Magic mirror won’t you tell me please
Do I find myself in anyone I see?
Magic mirror if we only could
Try to see ourselves as others would
From the Song Magic Mirror by Leon Russell
The other night, at the ER with Mom, there was so much going on, it really made me stop and ask myself “life” questions. I was worried about Mom, but knowing her as well as I do, was confident that she was not in any grave danger, nor would she be.
They wheeled an old man in on a gurney…he was in the room next to mom. I heard him cough for the first time and realized I never heard coughing or even breathing like that from any other human being I’ve ever encountered. He was obviously very sick and most of what came from him was the equivalent of wailing, moaning, he was in so much pain and my heart sank. Some of the time he sounded like he was mumbling some kind of ancient prayers in a language that was other worldly. The sounds were a mix of gibberish but were at a very loud level. There were obviously no relatives or even friends with this man…he lay there…suffering alone. Some of the nurses and staff that tended to him, were very friendly…but honestly…when they asked “how are we doing” in a sweet, sickly tone to someone that can’t even really answer…I wasn’t sure if I felt glad at least the old guy was getting some attention or bad because their “chatter” seemed to diminish the severity of this man’s condition. Other staff came in and tended to him without saying a word…that seemed kind of cold in comparison to the others..I reminded myself, they are all just doing their job the best they can.
I got to where I had tears in my eyes…both Mom and I said some prayers for the old guy, but I also prayed that if I’m ever in that state/condition and am all alone that God take me or at least “spare” me the awareness of my own condition.
A while later I could hear the doctor speaking to a young woman who had a bad headache and some “stroke” symptoms. He asked her “did you try to kill yourself again since the last time I saw you” she told him no…he asked her if she had been drinking..she told him no again. The doctor asked multiple times if she hurt or hit herself and the answers were no. The girl was explaining to the doctor about her family history of stroke. I was feeling bad for her too.
A little while later Mom had to use the bathroom…I took her to it. I discovered that the young girl was on a gurney right across from the bathroom, she was obviously in very bad pain. It was then that her mom came in and tried to comfort her. I thought about what they were going through and obviously the pain in both of their lives..having heard her past history from the doctor…I would never wish that on anyone and said some prayers for them.
While Mom was still in the bathroom and I was guarding the door, I turned my head to see a young male, he was in a restraining device of which the likes I have never seen..it was a chair..he was bound to the chair via straps around his chest and upper body, hand and ankle cuffs. He was accompanied by two sheriffs. He was wearing all red and had the tattoo of a cross on his left arm. The doctor approached and asked “why is he here” the sheriffs told the doctor he needed a medical evaluation to be admitted to the psychiatric hospital. The sheriffs also said he was a convict/prisoner…the doctor asked “why is he restrained like that” the sheriff answered “because he was violent” I told myself “don’t look at his face” which I think is a somewhat natural reaction on anyone’s part in a situation like this.
From what I did see of this young male he was in a great deal of distress his body seemed to do movements that were beyond his control…he remained totally silent…again “don’t look at his face” but I couldn’t help it and looked directly into his eyes…he looked scared, like a caged animal, just in his eyes I could feel the trouble and difficulty that has been a part of his life…there was so much emotion in his eyes, yet at the same time there was none…maybe this is because to most people they would just see his expressionless fixed gaze…but the eyes are the windows to the soul.
I looked away, but wanted to look more, I told myself not to look because he is a criminal who has done “bad things”. I looked again and could feel this person’s cry for help..I realized I could actually look and see beyond the restraints and the “criminal in him” for a minute or two I could only see the humanity and the person in him. I found myself raising up my hand in some kind of gesture in which I am now unsure of and asking God to help him, asking God to bless him and get him the help he needs to change his life around. I could feel this person looking at me and understanding I was trying to do something to help, even if no words were exchanged. He came to a state where they could take him out of that chair and put him on the gurney with just the handcuffs to his wrists and the bed.
I learned that sometimes when our instinct tells us “not to look” it’s better we do look and try to see beyond just the physical trappings, or what our own perception has led us to believe. Give blessings and prayers even when they can’t be “heard” they can often be felt. Find yourself in the other’s you see. Try to see people in ways that are different than the labels society puts on them.
Ask yourself…honestly…what would you do in this same scenario… Would you just think ”it’s not my problem” and not give it a second thought? Do you think you may hear some of the old, and typical tapes playing? some of the old tapes/scenarios we may think in these situations are less than nice. I’m not saying this about anyone I know but some of the old tapes could play “the crazies are in the hospital tonight” “another thug lock him back up” “a lonely old crazy man” “an over emotional suicidal teen”
It is much easier for our brain to play the old tapes mostly because of what society dictates and I confess I have played the old tapes, but for the most part I do not, because in doing so, I am denying who I am. I think for most people it’s natural to feel bad for other’s in bad circumstance, but we are told “don’t look” don’t feel” “don’t ask”. I’m very empathetic so most times I will look, ask and feel.
I try to see the good in everyone and Thank God for the life I live/d….When you are down…and step back and look objectively or find yourself in a scenario like I was at the hospital you realize there is so much going on beyond our own space and that there are so many people who’s problems and suffering are much greater.
